Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
