I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
