Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
