problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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