I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
