I want to have your abortion
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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