I seem to have left my pride at pride
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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