i just wanna soil my oats bro
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
