Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
