i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
