my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
