dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
