So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
