Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
