Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
