so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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