I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
