So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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