so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
