I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
