what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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