We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were destined to go to rehab together
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
