How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
