so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
