You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
