I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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