so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
