Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
