Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
