Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
