The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
