Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
