So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
