ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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