I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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