He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i now understand why vodka
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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