i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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