if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
sex in a hospital.. check
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
