I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
