Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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