Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
