You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
