so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
