My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
