I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
