Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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