Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I pour the whiskey from now on
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
