So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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