Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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