pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize