No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
