Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
