Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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