She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
