I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hippo gnu deer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
