She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
