they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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