So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
