Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
