so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
