a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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