how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize