i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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