His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
