I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize