please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
