I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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