The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
